


i asked for this, didn't i?

by toxica939



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 20:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11111991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxica939/pseuds/toxica939
Summary: He’s not yours.Vic’s mouth had been trembling as she’d said it. Like, she couldn’t believe it either, like she was the one having something taken away.He should be pleased, probably. This was what he wanted.ORthe one where Robert's not the dad.





	i asked for this, didn't i?

  
_He’s not yours._

It’s echoing on repeat around his head, words losing all meaning.

_He’s not yours._

Months. Months of hurting and fighting pain, to get here. Dragging Aaron through hell, Liv pushed to breaking point and for what. Nothing.

_He’s not yours._

Vic’s mouth had been trembling as she’d said it. Like, she couldn’t believe it either, like she was the one having something taken away.

He should be pleased, probably. This was what he wanted. He doesn't get to feel sad about it.

Aaron finds him first, of course he does.

“We've been looking all over for you,” he says, eyes flickering across the graveyard. Robert watches him clock Jackson, the way he always does when they come here.

Aaron knows grief. This is nothing.

Robert doesn't say anything. Going running to his mum doesn't make a lot of sense when she's just stone in the ground but he hadn't had anywhere else to go.

Aaron fists his hands in the pockets of his coat, stands with him.

“I'm sorry,” Aaron offers, always so generous.

Robert shakes his head. “Don't.”

“I am. I was in this too you know.”

Robert does know. That's his fault too. Something else to add to the list of fuck ups.

“I wanted this,” he tells Aaron. “I'd lie awake at night, wishing this would happen. That I'd wake up and I wouldn't have done this to us. That it'd all go away.”

Aaron nods. “Me too.”

Robert looks over at him, at where Aaron's eyes are glassy, where he's blinking too fast. “But we pulled it together didn't we? We could have done this.”

Aaron wipes his nose on his sleeve, nods again. “Course.”

“And now we don't have to.”

He looks down at his mum's grave, wonders if she was ever glad he wasn't really hers. Feels _awful_ , just for thinking it. She was better than that.

“Come here,” Aaron reaches out, pulls Robert into a hug, arms locked tight around him.

Robert hides his face in Aaron's neck, takes comfort he hasn't earned.

“It'll be alright,” Aaron's saying.

Robert keeps his eyes closed.

:::

Ross. Of course it had to be Ross.

They've had nothing to do with each other for months. All those weeks of games and revenge. Money and fists and holding Aaron back because he'd taken enough from him already, could fight this battle himself.

An awkward truce hashed out to keep Aaron safe, keep everyone's pride in tact.

And now Ross is going to be the one tucking his son in at night. Figures.

:::

He finds Liv in the nursery.

It's empty now. Aaron had cleared out most of the stuff that first weekend. But it's still painted in gentle shades of grey and yellow. There's still a soft little bunny sat on the window sill.

Liv's cross legged on the carpet, sat in a patch of sunlight. She's flicking through one of the baby books Vic kept bringing round. She startles when she sees him in the door way.

“You alright?” he asks.

She shrugs. “Suppose. It's weird isn't, all this and then nothing. Bit of an anti climax.”

Robert has to laugh. “That's one way of looking at it.”

“Are you going to go and see them?”

Robert hasn't thought about it much. Not since Aaron offered to go with him and Robert had said no.

“Not sure I'd be welcome.” He's not sure he'd want to be.

Liv frowns, looks offended on his behalf. “She's the one who lied.”

It's Robert's turn to shrug. “I wasn't exactly very nice to her about the whole thing though was I?”

“You were just looking out for Aaron,” Liv tells him. “In the end.”

It's been a long road with Liv. She doesn't hand out second chances quite the same way Aaron did, hadn't even wanted to forgive him for the longest time.

It's another in a long line of things to feel guilty about, that she's not going to be an aunt after all. After she'd taken so long to come around to the idea.

“I'm sorry.”

Liv nods, thumbs through the book in her lap. “Me too. For what it's worth.”

It's worth a lot. Robert thinks she knows that.

:::

Aaron sits on the side of the bed to pull his socks off, shoots them at the laundry hamper on the other side of the room.

Robert watches one of them bounce off the rim, slither onto the floor. He'll pick it up in the morning.

“I saw Vic this afternoon,” Aaron says, completely the opposite of casual.

Robert opens his arms, cuddles them together like he does every night. He still can't believe that Aaron lets him, part of him hopes he never will. There's nothing about this last year that Robert wants to take for granted.

“She misses you,” Aaron continues when Robert doesn't say anything.

“She knows where I am.”

Aaron sighs and the hand rubbing up Robert's back pauses. “None of this is her fault you know.”

“I never said it was.” Robert knows exactly who's to blame. Can't look himself in the mirror most mornings.

Aaron shuffles back to look at him, keeps their legs tangled together, thank god. “You need to go and see her, she feels awful.”

That's the last thing Robert wants so he nods. He will.

“Thank you,” he says, hand coming up to cup Aaron's cheek, a soft kiss. “You've been amazing. I know I don't deserve it-”

Aaron cuts him off with another kiss, firmer than the last. “Stop it. I'd do anything for you, you know that.”

“Doesn't mean you should have to,” Robert points out.

Aaron looks away. “You're not the only one who feels guilty about being pleased, y'know.”

“You feel guilty?”

“A bit? I mean, I know we were ready and I know I said it was all going to be fine but,” his mouth twists. “It's not exactly how I pictured us starting a family is it? I'm not exactly crying myself to sleep about it.”

Robert nods. That's all true.

“I don't feel like I should get to feel relieved,” he admits. “And I don't think I should get to feel sad either. After everything I put us through.”

“You didn't do it on your own,” Aaron smooths a hand down Robert's arm, cups his elbow, stays as close as Robert always wants him. “Maybe we can finally be free of her now. There's nothing hanging over us any more.”

Robert hasn't dared to let himself think of it like that. “You really think so?”

Aaron regards him seriously. “I think I'm done letting that girl ruin my life.”

“I'm sorry,” Robert says, another pang of guilt.

Aaron shakes his head, tips their mouths back together, doesn't stop.

They kiss themselves sleepy, soft and slow and like they've got all the time in the world.

Maybe they do, now.

:::

Vic looks awkward when she opens the door. “They're still here,” she tells him, like he didn't know that when he knocked.

Robert reaches out to hug her, press his face into her hair. “It's fine. Can you give us a minute?”

Vic looks stunned but she nods. Robert knows she feels bad enough as it is about pushing so hard for all of this. He's not about to make it worse.

“You know I wouldn't have let her stay if she had anywhere else to go.”

“It doesn't matter.”

Vic still doesn't look happy but she pats him on the arm and steps aside.

Rebecca looks tired. Robert imagines that's normal, he wouldn't know.

She also looks absolutely terrified when she sees him which makes him feel angry all over again. As if he'd ever do anything to hurt her. As if he hasn't spent the last six months turning his life inside out to try and make hers easier. As if it's his fault she isn't getting what she wanted.

Robert doesn't look at the moses basket next to the sofa, isn't sure he can yet.

He sits down without being invited to and she deflates a bit when he doesn't say anything.

She cracks first. She always does.

“I'm so sorry,” she says. “I swear, I didn't know.”

Robert thinks that's probably a lie. “It doesn't matter.”

That seems to stump her. She looks baffled. He can't believe she ever thought she'd be able to handle him.

“It's a good thing if anything, isn't it? You know I never wanted this.”

She looks lost. “But you said-”

Robert shrugs. “I say a lot of things.”

This is easier than he'd thought it would be.

There's a snuffle from the corner, the basket moves, then silence when the baby subsides again. Robert lets out a breath.

“I want you to stay away from Aaron and Liv,” he tells her. “I know we had an arrangement but that's done now. We all need to move on with our lives, don't you think?”

She tucks her hair behind her ear, it's drifting loose from her ponytail in pieces. She looks small. “I never wanted any of this.”

Robert shrugs. He doesn't know if that's true or not. Doesn't care. “Just stay away from my family. You living with my sister is messed up enough.”

She nods, doesn't put up a fight.

Right. He's said his bit, time to go.

Ever a glutton for punishment, he can't help but pause on his way out, look down at what could have been.

The baby's fast asleep, swaddled up to his neck, soft breaths through an open mouth.

Robert's chest hurts.

“He's beautiful,” he tells her, because it's true and because he wants to hear himself say it out loud. Wants to know that he can do it.

She sort of wavers behind him, hand over her mouth. “Thank you.”

Robert looks his fill. Lets the ache spread through him. It's never going to be this hard to look at him again, this is the worst it will ever be. Eventually, it wont hurt at all.

“Take care of yourself,” he tells her.

It's raining when he lets himself out, air cold and fresh. It feels like the first full breath he's taken in months.

:::

Robert sits back in his chair, watches Liv clear their plates away.

“I went to see Rebecca today,” he tells them.

Aaron's fingers fumble on his glass. “You what?” he says.

“I went to see them.”

Liv sits back down, folds her arms. “Why?”

“To tell her to stay away.”

Liv pulls an unimpressed face. “What did she say?” she asks.

Robert shrugs. “Not a lot. I think she saw where I was coming from. I was nice about it,” he says, in case anyone was wondering.

Liv's eyes flicker over to Aaron, who hasn't said a word. Has barely moved, eyes on Robert like he's working on a puzzle.

“Did you see the baby?” she asks.

Robert nods, doesn't think about it beyond that.

“And?”

He doesn't know how to answer that.

“Liv,” Aaron says. “Don't.”

“What? I'm just asking. Can _I_ see it?”

“Liv!”

Robert shakes his head. “If you want to, I'm sure you'd be welcome,” he tells her.

She gives him a long look. “Nah. Nothing to do with me is it?”

:::

“So how was it really?” Aaron asks.

It's later, Liv already in bed. They're sharing space on the sofa, the way she never lets them get away with when she's in the room.

“Fine,” Robert says even though there's no way Aaron will ever let him get away with that either.

“Try again.”

Robert thinks about it. About how it hurt, about how he'd wanted it to, about how he'd felt free. Just like Aaron said he would.

“I needed to prove that I could do it,” Robert says. “I know this is better, of course it is, but it still hurts. I wanted to get it over with.”

Aaron strokes a hand through his hair. “And?”

He nods. “Yeah. It's done.”

They watch the telly for a bit, it's the news though so Aaron doesn't last long in silence.

“We'd have made good parents.”

Robert nods. They'd talked about that at length, about what it would mean, whether Aaron could do it, really.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe one day?” Aaron says, tentative.

It's too soon right now. But it wont always be.

“One day,” Robert agrees, sits on his sofa, holds his husband and watches his TV.

They've got a lifetime.

  
  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> join me on tumblr, i'm vckaarrob


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